It’s amazing how quickly your mood can change, how deep your heart can sink and how much something or someone can affect you.
Emotions get filthy. So filthy that they must be made illegal to be felt.
The awkward encounter with an ex. Saying things one mustn’t say bearing to the social norms at a public place- loud and eye grabbing. Jokes you cracked in class that nobody laughed at. Slipping and falling on your face whilst showing your master stunt to the world. Dropping that clumsily held coffee cup on your crush and seeing him leave angrily to clean up without saying a word. All of these accomplished in utter sobriety.
Heart break. Embarrassment. Defeat. Discomfort. Fear. Regret. Remorse. Mindfuckness.
These very emotions reiterate in the head again and again and again and blatantly refuse to leave like the chewing gum stuck to the sole of the shoe. It’s forever stuck there under the shoe making you feel uncomfortable at every step you take and it’s freaking hard to get rid off.
They don’t leave the mind or soul, how much ever you try and when the unconscious thought of them wake you up from a pensive slumber.
You can’t sleep again. You just can’t. Tears fill the eyes sometimes.
Scarlet with ignominy, rageful with repentance or fearful of a palpable anticipated cataclysm, the mind furiously seeks for an instant wheeze for some little peace and tranquility but fails miserably each time.
Temporary tranquilizers don’t help much either, because well, they are temporary.
That moment all one could wish for is to forget everything or become inexistent until that filthy emotion dilutes away into a sadistic death.
I never understood why people feel that way. Especially because whenever that emotion is disclosed to another being, all they have for advice is “Fuck it.” “Forget about it.” “This meager issue mustn’t affect you so much.” “You’re over thinking it.”
Do we really over think petty issues like those and and act like a designer of those sleepless nights?
I am a believer of “whatever happens, happens for a reason.”
What’s the reason behind these filthy emotions?
Don’t we just sit and wait for them to fade away and pledge not to repeat something that made us feel that way and they come back again in a different form
because we are not always responsible for feeling that way?
Perhaps it’s something way more profound than I can decipher.
but Feelings are feelings.
It can’t get simpler.
What an irony.
But remember what Walter White said?