It feels like I have been giving exams since the mesozoic era. I am expected, not only by my entire khandan (big fat Indian family) to have ascertained the protocols one must follow to study effectively and not spend a night before an exam cramming an entire book of 1117 pages, but also by myself. Everytime I walk inside the examination hall, I pray extra hard to the energies with a remorseful promise to never-everrrr put myself in this position again in exchange of ALL THE LUCK in this universe to pass the goddamn test. Sooo.. what sorcery goes on behind filling my wall or rather hall of shame is a question worth a million bucks. I mean how the fuck do I not learn?
DAYS LEFT – 1 MONTH.
Nerd bitch (my beautiful mind) – “Dude, I guess we should like totally like start studying and all that. I mean you remember about the 9 GPA target, yea?”
Me (my fucktard mind) – “Duuude, we still got a decade to go, dude. Chillll!!! Did you watch the pretentious movie review of ‘Prem Aggan’??? ‘…mujhe woh haseen dard dedo..'(gimme that beautiful pain) hahahaha”
So basically the next several hours and then the next several days are spend watching YOUTUBE time machine and a series of movies that could scar one for life but not me ’cause me ninja!
DAYS LEFT – 15 DAYS.
Nerd bitch – “Dude, we gotta get all the notes in one place. Remember staring at the walls for hours while everyone made notes? Those notes. We need them now. It’s high time”
Me (eyes closed in the lotus posture) –” Quiet girl! You’re killin’ mah vibe. Let me concentrate on my breathing. I am trying to meditate. I am trying to awaken and uncover my inner self. It is more important to know oneself than participate in less important things like engineering exams.”
So it hasn’t still hit me that my exams are just 2 weeks away and things are going to take an inevitable ugly shape but –
Who Are We? – Engineers!
What Do We Do? – Procrastinate!
Why Do We Do It? – Because anything below the legendary level is just. not. our. thang!
DAYS LEFT – 1 WEEK.
Nerd bitch (frantic and under a filthy anxiety attack) – “OMIGOSH! OMIGOSH! OMIGOSH! I AM GONNA DIE. THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD. HAVEN’T STUDIED ANYFUCKENTHING! OH. MY. GOSH!!!”
Me (reassuringly) – “Duuude! Law of attraction, dude! Think positive and good things shall happen. Here. Everything is figured out. 5 subjects – 5 days and two days for revision. It’s all figured out.
- Monday – Radar
- Tuesday – Mobile
- Wednesday – Data Communication and Networking
- Thursday – Optical
- Friday – French
- Saturday and Sunday – Revision
Things start to look just fine when a beautifully made up list goes on my motivation wall and makes a great show for that little empty space where it perfectly fits.
This is the start to either your blogging career or the birth of an artist. This is the day when one realises what a great movie maker one could be or how the movie “chef” could actually be their story one day and how they never were meant to be doing engineering.
This is also the day people unleash the OCD in them. How can one start studying if their surrounding are just not in order? The place around them ( and not just their side of the room but also the roommate’s) must be absolutely clean and organised.
Me – “So RADARRR…. tomorrow! One day is enough for revision!”
*After studying for an hour*
Me – “I am doing great! I love this subject. I must do an internship related to this subject. OMG. Vacations!! I must make a bucket list for these vacations. Soooo much to dooo. Sooo many people to meet. Soo much shopping! OMG SHOPPING!!”
*Makes a bucket list for the next 5 hours and takes a 6 hour nap later*
I live by the mantra which says “No backs”. It’s my driving force and it hasn’t failed till date. *touchwood*
So I try to study but my phone…MY PHONE won’t stop blinking in my face. Everytime I sit to study, it, very slyly, generates unnecessary notifications which I must absolutely check which otherwise mean a stinging curiosity and a lifelong trail of distraction and frustration in an unappealing combo.
And then Instagram. 3 hours later I find myself on the very first picture that Kim Kardashian posted on her instagram because.
*Time Table Revision*
Me (officially in the panic mode) – ” What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just study a month earlier and I don’t have to go through all this!? I think I am maybe sick or something…”
I decide to take a break. One day break. Listen to music. Watch ‘Titanic’ or ‘The Fault In Our Stars’ perhaps. UNWIND.
This is officially the best day to upload a new profile picture. 300+ likes guaranteed. (Only if you have like a 1000 friends, okay!). EVERYONE is on facebook and EVERYONE is doing the silent thing people do on facebook – LIKING! Trust me. Also on this day you won’t get bored of it even after 5-6 hours. Only anxious as shit but you won’t stop scrolling all the way dowwwwn anyway.
OKAY. This is mostly the day I cry a lot and pretend to be really really sick. I am assuming other people do that too but well.. validation is important. People must come and tell me all good stories about failure and tell me how important it is to fail. Ah! First world problems but problems anyway.
DAYS LEFT – 1
TIME TO STUDY. SHIT JUST GOT SERIOUS. This day flies. I don’t know if it’s magic or the theory of relativity but it just flies really crazy fast.
This was my story. You know what happens later.
I would like to blame technology,WiFi, social networks, gadgets, movie makers, stupid teachers, my college (for having exams), oncoming vacations, shitty food, trees, stupid people, existential bummers and the nerdy bitch for being a recessive gene.